


Bend and Snap

by pandaspots



Series: EreJean Week 2014 [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erejean Week, M/M, day 2: pranking, eren cross dressing yo, thanks to remembrance for the additional prompt bc i'm fucking useless, this took me too fucking long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandaspots/pseuds/pandaspots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has a 98% rate of success and 83%  chance of getting dinner invitations.<br/>Doesn't work as Eren would've liked.</p><p>In which Jean needs help and Eren misinterprets the request on purpose.</p><p>Written for JeanEren Week day two: Pranking</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bend and Snap

**Author's Note:**

> god bless Remmy may his inspiration never die and his hit count be ever growing

Eren was an insufferable prick.

Not that he wasn't that normally, but on that specific day, he was actually trying to be one. And Jean couldn't just look away.

You see, Eren's ass had looked heavenly on a regular basis since last year, but the asshole decided it was a Very Good Idea to walk around in Hogsmeade in a skirt. Not a kilt, no, he chose a fucking girly skirt, a flowery, dark, high waisted thing that looked stupidly good with his white long sleeved button up, a black velvet choker, tan stockings and black flats. He looked like a specially flat, clumsy fifteen year old girl. Ah yes, did he mention he kept dropping things on the light snow in the street and fucking _bending over_ to pick them up? Because that's exactly how Jean found out he was going so fucking out there with this that he was wearing panties.

This was very not what he meant when he asked Eren to help him with the girls asking him out.

"Eren can you stop doing that?" He pleaded after the other had yet again paused and bent over to pick up _something_ off the ground. Someone wolf-whistled, and Eren actually blushed.

"Es tut mir leid, liebling." He pouted, using his girliest voice, clinging to Jean's arm. He was very aware of Eren's lack of boobs, and very aware of the fact he didn't mind it at all.

"Why the fuck are you even cross dressing, you ass?" He asked, and an old lady caught the last part and glared at him, murmuring about bad boyfriends who didn't deserve the beautiful girls they had. Oh, if only you knew, old lady. If only you knew.

"I'm pretending to be your German girlfriend, be more appreciative. It's far enough to justify not attending Hogwarts and not too far off because your father's family _is_ German." Eren whispered in his normal voice, sounding far too reasonable. He wondered just when the other heard that small fact about his father and then remembered that horrible day in second year when he and Eren had a fistfight, and his father sent him a screamer, and half his speech was in very, very angry German.

"You're not being a very good girlfriend, though, bending over so everyone can see your ass." Jean grumbled, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Eren smirking.

"Maybe," he said, slipping back into that German accent and soft voice, "maybe it's a hint." Eren leaned into him, touching his gloss-covered lips to Jean's ear (that was the only bit of make up Eren wore, and this made him all the more skeptic to whether people wouldn't realize it was indeed, _Eren in drag_ ). "Maybe I want you to bend me over." He felt the sticky lipstick on his earlobe, and straightened up, suddenly steering Eren to a crowded place so he would be less inclined to be a little shit.

He dragged his fake girlfriend to the Three Broomsticks, and as soon as they placed their orders of butterbeers, he realized it was a mistake. He had made Eren sit beside him so he wouldn't be inclined to play footsie, but that was a tactical mistake. The other boy took that as his cue to pull his chair closer, put his (very fine) legs on his lap and wrapping his arms around Jean's and pulling him into a kiss.

His lip gloss tasted like mint. His tongue tasted like rose tea chocolate. He smelled like a sunny day (Jean had no idea where that came from but it was the only way he found to describe the way Eren smelled). He faintly recalled smelling that when the sixth years were leaving the potions room after a class on Love Potions. Mint, rose tea, chocolate and the weird sunny day smell. Now, with his lap full of cross dressing Eren, he clicked the things together. Mint, rose tea and chocolate were Eren's favourite things. Eren smelled like a sunny day.

He couldn't be more relieved than when the waiter came with their order, cleaning his throat. He really didn't want to deal with his conflicting feelings for his 'girlfriend' while Eren was still all up in his lap.

"Two butterbeers, and that gentleperson over there ordered this one treat here for you." He said, laying their glasses and laid a dish with a pumpkin cupcake decorated with roses and hearts. Jean looked across the room, and sure as fuck, their potions teacher, a weird person called Hanji, was looking at them, giving the two boys a double thumbs up, making their partner, a tall guy called Moblit, hide his face in his hands.

"You'll have to feed me, then~" Eren purred, pulling himself on Jean's lap. It was easily the most romantic situation he's ever been in, in his fifteen years.

"Then you sit on your own damn chair." Jean mumbled, trying not to look so eager to put Eren back in his seat; the green eyed little shit was actually fooling some people that he was a girl. A very pretty one, with the choker covering his Adam’s apple, his skinny legs looking a mile long under the skirt, and he belatedly noticed that Eren was probably wearing Mikasa's clothes, and he worked them as well as their owner. This was going nowhere good.

"Mein lieeeebliiiing, feed me a piece~" He whined loudly in a high pitched voice, and the boy sighed and complied. Eren made a content noise, and Jean felt this shitty fluttery feeling in his chest. _I am so fucked._

Later that day, after 'escorting his girlfriend' to wherever Eren was going to change, he sat down on a bench next to the little road that led back to the castle. He was having an existential crisis. He never thought of Eren as someone he'd ever feel attracted to, they fought all the time, yelled at each other, they were oil and water. But they were slowly becoming... something, something he wasn't sure what was.

Jean found himself busting leaves, trying to get his mind to stop thinking about Eren. He exploded nearly all the leaves around him, when something cold and wet hit the side of his head. He looked at the white residue on his clothes. Fucking snow. He looked to the side, just in time to get a second snowball on his face.

"How lewd, Kirschstein, a face full of white thing." The (thankfully) male-sounding voice of Eren Jaeger called out from somewhere to his left.

"Fuck off, Eren. I'm done with your bullshit for the day." He said, wiping the snow off his face and getting up, ready to sprint back to the castle to lock himself up in the Slytherin dungeon for the rest of the week.

"Hey, wait!" The other yelled, pulling his arm back, and Jean just kept going, not looking back. "Oi, you prick, what the fuck?"

"What the fuck? What the fuck was you wearing Mikasa's clothes and pretending to be my girlfriend, you shit! That was not what I meant when I asked you to help me!"

He made the mistake of turning around to yell that. Eren had the most infuriating innocent smile ever.

"I know." And then he let go of Jean's wrist and went sauntering to the castle, with an irritating sway to his hips. Jean wanted to throttle him (and bite his neck, or even maybe make him wear the skirt again and bend him over a table. He tried not to think about that last part too much in public).

 

**Author's Note:**

> It was all Armin's idea. Eren's not nearly devious enough, but he can appreciate anything that makes Jean confused and mildly aroused.
> 
> please leave kudos and comments! criticism is always welcome!


End file.
